home. puking in laundry basket.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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