all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
