i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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