It's Friday. Sex?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
