I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
