Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
