I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
