ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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