We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
