I'm lost and stupid without you.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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