I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
