It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
