first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
