I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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