Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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