I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
