She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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