He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
