Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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