i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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