I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize