how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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