There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Still dying that you shit outside
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
