I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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