I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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