I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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