i think i have two assholes
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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