i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
