I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
