So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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