More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
