I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
