Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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