I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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