i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I want to make a zoo with you.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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