Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
