Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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