I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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