pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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