I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
