...so i touched it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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