Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
