you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
