the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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