I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
