so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Randomize
