my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
