the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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