and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
