Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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