Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
