I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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