It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
