The maid of honor just puked.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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