I hate all girls vehemently.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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