I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
