I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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