I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
