My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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