my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
