i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
