I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
