His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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