Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
