She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
