I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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