im drinking this country out of the recession.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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