what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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