A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
